I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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