Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize