Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
