I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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