I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
