So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
