somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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