I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize