'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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