Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
