I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
