Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The beer is more important than you right now.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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