Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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