i need an iv and a liver transplant
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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