1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize