You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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