There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They are going to name an STD after you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
