then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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