I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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