I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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