Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
