Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
