Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My dick has a subreddit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
