those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
