you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize