You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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