trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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