Just fell off a train. Bad.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
