@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
