that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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