I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
