no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
