I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
