Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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