matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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