You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
