she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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