He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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