He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
