I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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