Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
birth control should be required to get into college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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