"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
