Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize