Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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