The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
