Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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