How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
