i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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