And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
