I wish life had little blips of pornography
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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