Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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