how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
