someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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