Me too!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
