did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
barbara walters just said penis...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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