just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
