respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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