Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
