my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
