Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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