it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
