I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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