marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
