WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
