I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
