I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
