My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
