i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
