I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
