How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
