The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
